Category Archives: Politics

Erdogan Blames Gulen Movement for Indigestion


President Curses ‘Treasonous dog’ for kebab-related mishap           Top: Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan Below:  cleric Fethullah Gulen Below right: the kebab responsible for Erdogan’s stomach troubles                     President Tayyip Erdogan of Turkey is a fierce man with an imposing stare. It is rare for him to publicly show

May denies trying eat Cameron daughter left behind at No. 10


The United Kingdom’s new Prime Minister Theresa May has denied that she was trying to eat David Cameron’s 12-year-old daughter, whom the former Prime Minister left behind at the PM’s official residence after a mix-up with his wife Samantha. The Cameron’s, who rushed to 10 Downing Street hours after May officially moved in, said that

Cruz drops out of US Presidential race to run for Tory leadership


US Republican presidential hopeful Sen. Ted Cruz has dropped out of the nomination race to run for the leadership of the Conservative Party of Canada. Cruz, who is trailing Donald Trump in the Republican delegate count, made the surprise announcement during a rally in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. “Your average Republican voter may not be the

Alberta Kudatah: Walmart Pooch overthrows Notley


Hoontah leader Clark appointed Supreme Leader Albertans woke up this morning to the news that Alberta NDP leader Rachel Notley, who was sworn in as Premier of the province last May, had fled Alberta following the Walmart Pooch, while the hoontah that led the kudatah had appointed their leader George Clark as the Supreme Leader.

Trump Aides Wonder Where That Brimstone Smell Keeps Coming From


Candidate’s aroma ‘increasingly troublesome’ As the US primaries wear on, Trump staffers are increasingly puzzled by the persistent smell of brimstone, with the smell becoming the topic of campaign breakroom conversation. “At first, I was inclined to write it off to an exotic musk,” said Trump aide Fred Silos. “You never know what Donald will

Liberal government to ban use of term “Islamic State”


The Liberal government will introduce legislation to ban the use of “Islamic State” to refer to the terror group who have taken over large swathes of land in Syria and Iraq and are linked to the recent spate of terror attacks in the Middle East, Africa and Europe, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today. “The

New minister promises better climate change for all Canadians


Canada’s new Minister of Climate Change today promised better climate change for all Canadians and chided the previous government for poor handling of the file. “What’s this? Global warming for ants?” Catherine McKenna asked, waving a report that forecast a global temperatures rise of 2C by the end of the century. “This would mean that

Media’s Lips Cemented to Justin Trudeau’s Posterior


Top surgeon, construction specialist consulted on removal process In a physical mishap worthy of House, the collective lips of the national media have become cemented to the posterior of the new Prime Minister. “We didn’t see it coming,” said Toronto Star editor Michael Cooke. “One minute we were printing the Op-Ed ‘Cabinet reflective of modern

Canada prepares to bid farewell to the best prime minister in almost a decade


Canadians coast to coast to coast are preparing to bid farewell on Wednesday to Stephen Harper, widely considered to be the best prime minister Canada has had in almost a decade, as PM-designate Justin Trudeau finally gets ready to be sworn in as the nation’s new leader. “It will be sad to say goodbye to

Trudeau on Cabinet gender parity: “It’s a promise that costs me nothing”


Dismisses rumours that he will care about poor, homeless. Canadian PM-elect Justin Trudeau wasted no time in reassuring Canadians that he harboured no radical impulses. Moving quickly, the victorious Liberal leader vowed that he would continue ‘the finest traditions of this Liberal Party’ by pretending to care about everyone it is currently fashionable to care