Category Archives: Frontpage

Canadian government turns to Clinton to rescue failing email project


The federal department in charge of creating a single email-system for the Government of Canada is turning to US Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton after the project facing further delays with the roll out. Shared Services Canada (SSC), which had planned for the Email Transformation Initiative (ETI) to be completed by March 2015, confirmed that they

Cruz drops out of US Presidential race to run for Tory leadership


US Republican presidential hopeful Sen. Ted Cruz has dropped out of the nomination race to run for the leadership of the Conservative Party of Canada. Cruz, who is trailing Donald Trump in the Republican delegate count, made the surprise announcement during a rally in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. “Your average Republican voter may not be the

KPMG to buy CRA under privatization deal


KPMG, the accounting company implicated in an offshore tax evasion scandal, is set to purchase the Canada Revenue Agency, under a privatization deal announced today by the federal government. Privatization of the CRA, which has recently come under fire for secretly offering the tax evaders involved in the KPMG scandal an amnesty, will save Canadian

Alberta Kudatah: Walmart Pooch overthrows Notley


Hoontah leader Clark appointed Supreme Leader Albertans woke up this morning to the news that Alberta NDP leader Rachel Notley, who was sworn in as Premier of the province last May, had fled Alberta following the Walmart Pooch, while the hoontah that led the kudatah had appointed their leader George Clark as the Supreme Leader.

Liberal government to ban use of term “Islamic State”


The Liberal government will introduce legislation to ban the use of “Islamic State” to refer to the terror group who have taken over large swathes of land in Syria and Iraq and are linked to the recent spate of terror attacks in the Middle East, Africa and Europe, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today. “The

Suh Apologizes to Mother For Cursing


“It’s not like injuring someone, it’s not excusable” Miami Dolphins tackle Ndamukong Suh gave an emotional apology to his mother on Wednesday, appearing on TV after swearing audibly during the Dolphins’ Nov.8 loss to the Buffalo Bills. “I’m sorry, Ma, it was very unprofessional” said the emotional Suh. “This is not the sort of behavior

New minister promises better climate change for all Canadians


Canada’s new Minister of Climate Change today promised better climate change for all Canadians and chided the previous government for poor handling of the file. “What’s this? Global warming for ants?” Catherine McKenna asked, waving a report that forecast a global temperatures rise of 2C by the end of the century. “This would mean that

Media’s Lips Cemented to Justin Trudeau’s Posterior


Top surgeon, construction specialist consulted on removal process In a physical mishap worthy of House, the collective lips of the national media have become cemented to the posterior of the new Prime Minister. “We didn’t see it coming,” said Toronto Star editor Michael Cooke. “One minute we were printing the Op-Ed ‘Cabinet reflective of modern

Canada prepares to bid farewell to the best prime minister in almost a decade


Canadians coast to coast to coast are preparing to bid farewell on Wednesday to Stephen Harper, widely considered to be the best prime minister Canada has had in almost a decade, as PM-designate Justin Trudeau finally gets ready to be sworn in as the nation’s new leader. “It will be sad to say goodbye to

Trudeau on Cabinet gender parity: “It’s a promise that costs me nothing”


Dismisses rumours that he will care about poor, homeless. Canadian PM-elect Justin Trudeau wasted no time in reassuring Canadians that he harboured no radical impulses. Moving quickly, the victorious Liberal leader vowed that he would continue ‘the finest traditions of this Liberal Party’ by pretending to care about everyone it is currently fashionable to care