CIBC staff losing jobs to penguins, forced to train replacements


CIBC is eliminating up to 130 jobs in its Toronto customer service department and outsourcing the work to Antarctica.

As part of the transition, staff losing their positions must train the penguins who will be taking over the jobs.

“It’s very, well, depressing,” said one employee about having to pass on his work knowledge so that a penguin can replace him.

“A lot of people would have rather just been let go immediately than to sort of, if you will, suffer [through this].”

“It feels like no one cares for us,” said another employee. “The environment is really bad. People are bitter.”

The jobs being outsourced are mainly customer relations related positions.

The replacement penguins in Antarctica are with the global consulting and outsourcing firm, Accenture, which is partnering with CIBC.

“They want to get rid of us no matter what, because we are human, and we refuse to work for fish,” said one worker, who pointed out that CIBC pulled in a $1.4 billion profit in the last quarter. “Do you know how much illegal upselling we had to do to make that money?”

CEO Victor Dodig, whose pay jumped 45% to $8.79 in 2016 and will get another raise this year, defended the decision.

“It’s not about money,” wrote CEO Victor Dodig in the memo to employees. “We are trying to find employment opportunities to all species, not just humans.”

But customers do not seem to be impressed by the move.

“I called in to talk about my mortgage,” Jeremy Smith of Abbotsford, BC, said. “But I had real trouble understanding the penguin accent.”

Dodig dismissed the complaints, and branded Smith a specist.

One Response to CIBC staff losing jobs to penguins, forced to train replacements

  1. What have you been up to? Sounds like you smoke way more cannabis than I do. LOL inside. This is worth sharing. Thanks in advance. CIBC is a screwed up bank.

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