Academy: “We just picked the white people Hollywood sent out there.”



Directors, studios deny prejudice

Hollywood spokesmen turned out in force Monday to defend LA’s film industry, saying that the awards that some are calling “The whitest Oscars since the great bleach incident of ’54″ have been unfairly attacked.

“Our industry is the most progressive in America,” said Blanche Bianchi Leblanc. “We strongly believe in minority representation, especially in the supporting actor category. Our leaders donate to Democrats, and support gay marriage.

When questioned about the dearth of black and Latin actors in this year’s Oscars and Golden Globes, Leblanc replied, “Did you see we support gay marriage? Maybe you should think about that some more.”

The responses did not sit well with black entertainers.

“Hollywood considers itself white,” said longtime director Spike Lee. “If you’re not the best friend of a white protagonist in a story, you probably won’t appear. Hollywood is Oreoville.”

When questioned about the term, Lee explained: “Blacks are on the outside, and whites are on the inside. And let me tell you, Hollywood is just as sweet and seductive. You just replace the sugar with cocaine. ”

Studio bosses refused to speak to the media, and released an announcement that they are “Not going to comment” on why clergy and other ‘traditional’ occupations are so far ahead of Hollywood in female and minority representation.

“We are happy to report that, contrary to vicious slander, Hollywood’s gender equality is on par with welding and other physically taxing, blue-collar trades,” Leblanc said.

“Hollywood continues to work towards being a bastion of equality. Thanks to slow-motion replays of blondes in bikinis, we anticipate women will soon have 30% of the screen time.

“Now that,” she added, easing her pants slightly downward, “is progress.”

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