Canada prepares to bid farewell to the best prime minister in almost a decade


Canadians coast to coast to coast are preparing to bid farewell on Wednesday to Stephen Harper, widely considered to be the best prime minister Canada has had in almost a decade, as PM-designate Justin Trudeau finally gets ready to be sworn in as the nation’s new leader.

“It will be sad to say goodbye to the man who upgraded many old stock Canadians to first class citizenship,” Albert Smith of Airdrie, Alberta said with tearful eyes. “And he kept us safe from Jihadi terrorists hiding behind every bush while producing good government.”

“People have more family time and pay lower taxes,” the retired farmed added. “After Mr. Harper turned millions of high-paid full-time permanent jobs in to low-paid temporary part-time ones. Part-time jobs mean more family time. Low-paid jobs means you pay lower taxes. Mr. Harper sure is a genius.”

“Thanks to Mr. Harper, we no longer have to listen to scientists yapping on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on,” Smith’s neighbour William Burns chimed in. “And no longer do we get woken up by the barking of the independent watchdogs.”

Harper’s supporters also thank the former Conservative leader for freeing up 99 per cent of Canada’s lakes and rivers from government’s draconian control and saving Canadian taxpayers $5 billion by fighting veterans in court.

“The veterans can’t expect taxpayers to pay for their PTSD treatment after they come back from wars,” Smith said. “No one forced them to enlist. It’s all their fault for being patriotic and risking their life and limb to protect Canadians.”

Meanwhile, Mr. Trudeau, who recently added cabinet maker to his long resume that lists his brief stints as a teacher, snowboard instructor, and boxer, paid tributes to the man he is about to replace.

“I couldn’t have done this without Mr. Harper,” Trudeau said. “Mr. Harper, out of modesty, featured me in Conservatives’ ads instead of himself. He got Canadians to focus on my hair rather than my platform.”

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